*Chapter Three

The warm sunlight must’ve hit through the window, I felt strangely radiant from the warmth. I stirred in my sleep, sighing quite happily.

“Jul?” someone called me. I wanted to tell the voice to shut up… I wanted to sleep. Ignoring the voice, I tried to regain my former slumber.

It called my name again, softly. I didn’t feel like telling it to shut up. That voice… that I loved. I wanted to reach out and hold the owner of the voice. I wanted to hold on to it and never have to let go.

“Juliana!” Okay, maybe not.

It was loud. It was also the tone of annoyance. My hand shot out involuntarily all of the sudden, trying to push the voice away. It chuckled, amused and weary at the same time. “Jul, time to wake now.”

I grumbled in my half-asleep-half-awake state. “Go away,” I managed a soft groan as I stirred again, away from the now irritating voice.

“Juliana,” it repeated my name and a hand shook me. I shot up abruptly, glaring around in resentment. The blood flow turned unstable and my head spun. But I was awake enough to see Danny perched over the side of my bed, smiling in a frustrated and amused mix.

“Oh, you.” I rolled my eyes and dropped my head back on the pillow. That’s what I intended to do but his hand snatched it away and my head hit the bed with an audible thud. “Ow.” I stared at him in accusation.

“Wake up already, Jul,” he ordered, sounding suddenly stern. He reminded me of a teacher at summer camp, dealing with a particular lazy and disobedient student… which well, could only be me. I raised an eyebrow at him and he grimaced. “Just get up.”

“You — are — not — the — boss — of — me,” I said each word slow and distinct shrilly.

“Am to.” And before I knew it, I was off the bed and airborne. My face revealing nothing but shock but some part of me guessed and was right — I dropped safely in his arms. He chuckled at my expression and I frowned.

“Well, at least I got you up,” he muttered under his breath as he carried me over to the bathroom. He dropped me gently on my feet as I stuck out my tongue. “Wash up, change.” He then eyed my halter and shook his head in some sort of disapproval. “Remember you’re in a house with your guy best friend.”

I raised an eyebrow. “I know, your point?”

He looked weary and gave a strained chuckle. “You’re exercising my self-control, Jul.” His tone was mocking.

I rolled my eyes and snorted, “You have always been in your best control. Nothing tempts you.”

He looked wearier still. “That’s what you think…”

“Aren’t I right?” I asked curiously.

“As a matter a fact… no.” He glared now. “I don’t think you should let your guard down. My composure isn’t always in its best state —”

I snorted again, louder. “I tempt you?” Unbelievable.

He stared at me and raised his eyebrows as though indicating the obvious.

I raised my eyebrows back, though I was taken aback. “That a yes or a no?”

He shrugged and let the subject drop. “Change, now.”

I rolled my eyes and muttered under my breath, “Control freak.” He grimaced but set off. I poked out my tongue again behind him as he left.

I brushed my teeth and washed my face. After I changed into something less… tempting — white V-neck tank top and a pair of denim shorts — not much, I dragged a brush I left here from last time through my messy hair. Before heading out, I lingered in Nessa's room. It was in a shade of lilac. The lace curtains fluttered from the light breeze above her desk. Next to the window was a drawing board and above it was a board, lined with her sketches and paintings. The other side of the desk was her bed. My bed was at the feet of the bookshelf opposing her bed.

I bounded down the stairs with my duffle strapped down over my shoulder.

“Nessa!” I called in a sing-song voice as I walked in the dining room.

“She’s not in.” I turned and saw Daniel in the kitchen.

“Oh.” I looked around. It was pretty empty, except for me and Daniel. “Where’d she go?” I asked, absentmindedly.

“She’s going on another tournament next month, she needs to practice her… basketball, I think,” he explained as he busied on.

“Parents at work?” I asked curiously. Mr. and Mrs. Hale worked in the same office, and they usually had Saturday off half day. I glanced at the clock, it was noon already. They should be home around this time.

“They’re working overtime today,” he briefed, still busying on and not glancing at me.

“What’re you doing?” I demanded, irritated by the lack of attention.

“Making breakfast for you.”

I looked taken aback. Over the years that I’d caved in here, Danny never cooked me anything. I was suddenly skeptical. “You can cook?”

“Pretty much,” he shrugged. “Mom taught me… Nessa wouldn’t learn. ‘Bout the only thing she doesn’t do.”

I laughed and crossed over to the kitchen. I wound my arms behind his neck from behind and hoisted myself up, perched on his back, looking over his shoulders. “What’re you cooking?”

He smirked. “Nothing much.”

I looked at the pot that he was stirring. My eyes squinted against the steam spiraling out. It was a gooey, thick liquid, light golden brown. It smelled off herbs, mushrooms and… cheese? “Mushroom soup?” I asked, smiling.

“Yeah,” he laughed. “Notice an extra scent?”

“It’s cheese?” I asked, an eyebrow shot up.

He snickered. “Know how much you love cheese. It’s my granny’s recipe. Mom cooked it once —”

“Oh! I remember that one!” I exclaimed with a gasp. “I love it!”

He smiled. “Well, I know. So I asked Mom to teach me…”

“Thank you!” I kissed him on the cheek and laid my cheek against his while inhaling the delicious smell. I felt his cheek’s temperature rising and I twisted around to look, curious. He was blushing so deep that I could’ve sworn that steam would come out of his ears.

I dropped myself immediately, knowing I crossed the line. “Er… I’ll be in the dining room. You need help, though?”

He spoke and his voice shook. “N- no. Th- Thanks ‘nyway.”

I walked out of the kitchen, biting my lower lip. It had happened before. Last time I kissed him — by his neck — he flushed completely and for a moment, he looked like he could’ve kissed me… literally. I’ll admit that I was being stupid. And I’ll admit I actually thought that I wouldn’t have minded.

Within minutes, he came out with a large glass bowl in his hands. The steam spiraled up in the air and the luscious scent blew in my way. He set in on the table with a glass soupspoon. I glanced at him and he looked pompous, proud of himself.

I dropped my attention back to the alluring smell. The thick, viscous brown cream with slices of blended-in mushrooms, black pepper, green herbs. I sniffed experimentally: cheese, mushrooms, chicken stock, herbs — rosemary, basil, oregano, mint — and pepper. I smiled at the mouthwatering dish and then at Danny.

He was sitting next to me, looking at me with a weary expression. I chuckled at his expression. “It smells great.”

He nodded. “Hope its good enough for someone with your expensive taste.”

I frowned. “No need to put me in a different class.”

“You are —”

The doorbell rang and someone knocked on the door, swift but loud. “Coming!” Danny shouted and threw one last look at me before going to get the door.

I peeked through the drapes that separated the dining room and living room. He opened the door then —

“Danny!” A girl lunged herself into his arms.

I watched, bewildered. “What the —?”

“Danielle?” Danny stammered, staring, bewildered, at the girl who clutched him tightly.

My eyes narrowed. Danielle? Who the heck is she?

The girl raised her head and flashed an attractive, tempting smile. I turned away, not wanting to see more. A flare of bile burned inside of me and I was unable to tell why. I stabbed the spoon in the cream and scooped it up. I popped in my mouth and gagged. It was better than I could’ve expected.

The bitterness disappeared only for a second. My composure slipped and my eyes zoomed across the living room. The spoon in my hand dropped with a clank and my jaw clenched. The girl was all over Danny, chatting perkily — and when I say all over, I meant literally. Her hands never left him, lingering over his shoulder, his arms, his face.

She turned over to look when the spoon dropped audibly. Danny looked at me, strained. I snapped my head away from their direction forcefully. I stared into the bowl and my muscles refused to pick up the spoon. I stood up, the chairs scrapping on the floor shrilly.

“Jul? Aren’t you going to finish that?” Danny asked, disappointed.

“Let her have it,” I said, my voice sounding flat. My mind had shut off. I threw the spoon in the sink and it clanged noisily.

“But, Jul —”

“I’m going out,” I muttered, my voice just as measured. I looked at him emotionlessly. I had let myself shut down blindly. He looked puzzled.

I raced upstairs and grabbed my jacket. I walked back down, slowly. I now heard the girl questioning about me. “Who’s that?”

I was supposed to be his best friend and he didn’t even bother letting what’s-her-face know. What does it count for? Backstabbing little –

“My friend,” I heard him reply. And it stung. Even though I knew it was the truth, the feeling of pain overwhelmed me.

“I —”

I stomped down the stairs as loudly as I could, jumping and thumping. I didn’t bother looking at the dining room where they were now.

“Jul!” Danny exclaimed.

“I’m heading out, I told you that,” I repeated. I marched out the door without looking back.

He caught my arm halfway down the concrete walk. I turned to look at him, my feelings still controlled. I looked at him dully; he looked taken aback.

“Jul…” he mumbled. “C’mon in. I’ll introduce her.”

INTRODUCE HER?! That did it. I exploded. “I don’t want to!” I snarled harshly, yanking my arm from his grip roughly. Introduce her, sure! Wasn’t I around longer? Wasn’t I the best friend? Wasn’t it supposed to be ‘Introduce you to her?’? Sure it wouldn’t have made much difference but it meant something to me.

He looked disoriented. “Jul?” he stuttered.

“Just get back to her,” I commanded sourly.

“Jul, don’t!” He grasped my arm again. This time all confusion was wiped off and he was stern, serious. “You are coming back with me and I’ll introduce her to you.”

I growled. “I don’t want to know her.” I glowered at him darkly.

“What’s all this commotion about?” The girl appeared behind the door, looking amused.

The glare wiped clear of my face. “Nothing, nothing at all. I’ll just be leaving at once,” I said simply and politely.

“Oh, goodbye then.” She seemed happy of the thought.

In my head I was already imagining evil, violent, torturing things to her. Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab…I wanted to cause her pain. It contaminated my brain. The sour and bitter rage went to my head, tainting my thoughts. It wouldn’t stop. Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab…I wanted it to happen. I was praying to every known godly being for it to happen. I felt filthy, indecent, but I didn’t care, not now. The poison dripped inside of me, infecting every inch it touched. Drip, drip, drip, drip… Stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab… I wanted to throttle her. I wanted to stab her. I wanted to shoot her. I wanted to stomp on her. I wanted to tear her limp from limp –

“Danielle,” Danny groaned.

The breath I inhaled cleared up the thoughts though they threatened more now to take over my body and make those things happen. A voice taunted in the back of my head. Oh, you know you want to. Go ahead. She doesn’t deserve your decency. Make her feel pain… it cackled. I exhaled angrily, sharp and short through my nose. Disappear, disappear! another voice screamed, Leave me alone. I can’t do that. I can’t do it! She did nothing wrong! I mean, she might be a little rude. But it’s okay – it’s okay!

SHUT UP! I wouldn’t kill her; neither would I like her. I needn’t conscience.

“Kidding, Danny…” She hopped out and looked at me with curiosity. “I don’t know why he wants you to stay, but don’t you think you should.”

Oh, the little BITCH!

“No, I don’t!” My voice cracked like a whip, much softer than intended as it was softer than the screech in my head.

She looked shocked. Her jaw fell slack and looked at me indignantly.

“Jul…” Danny grew impatient and so did I.

“Fine!” I screamed and stamped my way back into the house. I didn’t look at either of them and just marched straight inside.

The door closed behind me as Danny stepped in after Danielle. I sat, childishly repulsive, my arms folded across my chest, on the middle of the three-seated couch. Some part of my mind giggled at my childishness – and the point where I sat in the middle to tear them apart, even that little distance. She would make it hard for me if they sat together, another voice denied and explained.

Danny sighed. “Danielle — Juliana. Juliana — Danielle.”

“Hello,” I said simply, not even glancing at her. She was lucky I was so nice, even I’m surprised. At least I hadn’t bit her head off. Yet.

“Nice to meet you.” She sat on my right, still curious and it appeared to be that the shock had worn off into amusement.

I would say the same but it’d be lying. I fumed and stared at the coffee table. Danny sank by my right.

“Danielle, this is my best friend. Juliana, this is my…” his sentence hung halfway.

I scowled. Knew something was up. I knew it. She’s probably his —

“I’m his girlfriend!” she prompted proudly.

My jaw muscle tightened and my heart threatened to stop. “Yeah. Would’ve known. Should‘ve know. Know.”

I felt like an idiot, speaking too much. I snapped my mouth shut and squeezed my eyes shut tight. I also felt like an idiot. I should’ve seen it coming. How could I be so dim? It was so obvious. And besides, did I really expect him to always ‘I-don’t-date’. That could only be counted on to be my thing.

“Jul —” Danny protested, somewhat earnestly. My brows pulled together at his tone. I hated it when he talked like that, remorse would fill me. But not this time. Never again.

“Save your breath.” And that was final. I stood up. “I’m leaving. Now.”

“Jul —” He sounded desperate now.

I whipped around to stare at him. “Save. Your. Breath.” I glanced at Danielle. She looked confused with a twinge of amusement. I spared her a scan: a brunette — Danny only ever mentioned that he didn’t like blondes — light henna with scathing green eyes and was the short and cute type. And I hated how she looked. Perky and blondish.

It’s like I don’t know him anymore. I glared at him once more. But then… what do I know about his preferences? How was I to know?

He looked at me, confused. And I stalked out without a backward glance. I heard him shout for me as I gunned the engine and stomped on the gas pedal. The car growled to life and sped faster than it ever had before. I took a left turn — instead of town avenues, I was up for expressways. I went well over speed limit before I was out of town districts. The engine was on the top of it’s voice.

A tiny car zoomed behind as I sped by it twice its speed. I swerved by a turn and I was on the freeway. I heard my phone ringing but I ignored it. It continued to ring. He wouldn’t give up. He was worried, naturally. I snorted. As if. My face, contorted in rage was suddenly overpowered by agony that peeled through me.

Irrationally, tears streamed. I don’t get it. Why the hell do I care? I made no response to wipe of my glistening tears. You’re just disappointed he didn’t trust you enough, defensive voice soothed.

My heart ached. It pained. It wasn’t broken yet but it was at its breaking point. I could feel it cracking. A fissure maybe. It would take longer because I was strong – and yet not strong enough. No one could hide from love – everybody was vulnerable towards it. And love was the most irrational thing and something that can never be figured out. Wasn’t it the mind, or was it the heart? Was it accident, or was it fate?

And how much of it relied on truth?

I knew so much that deception in a marriage was bound to tear the whole thing apart. Truth would also tear each others’ hearts apart if they weren’t good from the start.

Where was I stuck now?

That’s not true. It’s not. And I know it.

But why did my heart ache? Why did it crack? Why was I thinking of love?

Why?

I dug my shoe deeper and deeper as my head filled with confusion and unanswered questions, until the gas pedal was flat against the carpet of the car's base. The engine roared and everything in sight blurred. Then a flash of light, and… nothing.